How to embed health in my thoughts. It was not an issue for me so when my teacher told me to use the mantra: ‘I allow myself to be healthy’ I wondered about the sense in this sentence. But I took it in my daily routine and in my walks with the 4 cats I live with.
Not so long before this mantra came into my life I was almost living in a western hospital because my relative had to stay there to be cured. In this period I was curious about the way doctors are looking at symptoms and doing the best they can to help these symptoms reduce and disappear.
As I asked a doctor about what can bring health, because it seemed like there was no change at all for the patient, her reply was: “We do not cure people inside a hospital, that happens outside these doors. Health is not what we can create. Our job is to do the research about what is happening in the body that can cause a disease in the body. We don’t look at what is behind this, except when the medicine that we provide is not helping the patient to build up to be cured later on.’
I wondered about this talk from this doctor: why not look at the whole person, the body, the mind and the soul? Is it not that the nature of the person is in the body? Is this the same principle we use to effortlessly repair our worldwide nature, our earth and the universe? We move parts to another place, it looks clean but it is not removed or disabled. We just move our stuff around the world and wonder why on earth is it not getting better on our planet…
When I started my journey to get to know my body, I was already sore in my muscles and ligaments. My body was so tense that I got all kinds of tingling feelings in my hands, neck, ears. My eyes did not always work their normal ways and my knees suffered from old jumps and falls. I had to rest and take time to recover from working hard. I had this belief that I had to push myself forward. If I would stop everything I had build up would fall down. No I can not do less to rest and give myself a break. Instead I was working even harder, taking on more projects and starting to feel less involved in my own body and pain.
I must admit, I was afraid to look deeper into my soul. Especially my heart was overloaded. And I was still up and running and doing what I liked to do. I thought. To me my cure for feeling pain in my body was to do more of the same things I always did. Create and do the best I can.
Albert Einstein said and I quote:
“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.”
The truth is I was very resistant to look inside my heart and soul. As I understand now, I am not the only person that is pushing its way through life, holding all kinds of balls in the air. I was copying the act of my parents and society showed me this way too. So I carried my pain as if it was a treasure I had to hold on to. Until my circumstances changed and my body finally got time to rest. And just in that time it was so tired I had to stop and really look at myself.
So how can I embed my healthy cells in my being?
As a young girl I learned to stand straight because of the ballet lessons my mother took me to. She also showed me how to stretch and be aware of my body and diet. Horseback riding was great way to learn how to sit and let myself get down on the back of this huge, noble being.
To rely on the force within the horse.
Learning to trust another being as big and strong as horses are opened me to this knowledge: no way I could push them away. This showed me how to cope with the force of others. How to adjust myself in various ways. This skill was to my advantage later on in my young life. How to handle different settings and family patterns when I could not push them away..
I see now what skills I had to learned to survive.
Another mantra I had to use is “I trust myself”. This one is big. As big as a horse. As big as the force within the horse.
So my body was tired and in stress or pain. My mind was like a lost soul. I knew I am worth it to live. To live free and open. To quit my old routines, in which I also had great times of joy and miracles. Guides in my life. And love too. But I could see a gap somewhere but as I reached to see it, it seemed to disappear in my head. My minds eye blurred.
What should I do? What could I do? Doctors and health specialist gave me no cure because everything was good, healthy. I was lucky.
Yes, I am lucky!
I had the time on my side. So I started writing about my life, my way of life and all miracles that happened to me in the past. And I could search for this healing method that ones has cured me during a holiday in Italy.
I found Healing Qigong and Tao and learned to believe in life. I had to open up and trust myself to be able see my truth and inner wisdom. All skills are inside me already. To find them and trust them I had to stop doing. And that’s where my body helped me. She stopped me from doing because she could not tell me in a different way what I had to know.
This clear force in the horse. I have it too. Just like you and all living creatures in the universe. As I learn how to cultivate this force, this life-force of beauty and joy and all. I feel the marvel of miracles flowing through me, my body and soul and my mind. Connected aligned and growing as I do my mantra’s and daily routine.
I have even greater respect for horses.